In Part One of our reflection on Parenting Styles, we established that the foundation for human outcomes is deeply rooted in the Quality of Parenting people are exposed to. We used the factory illustration to drive home the point that no one is usually surprised about the products they see ready to be shipped or being shipped to the market by any factory, basically because, among other things, they know that the factory has been set up for such outcomes. The leadership of such factory must have among other things, identified the necessary raw materials for the products they want to create and release to the market, and consequently, created efficient systems to transform the raw materials into their finished products of choice in the right quality. You can read part one in full here

Human outcomes and Societal patterns are fundamentally engineered from a social factory called family with systems called Parenting Values and Styles driving its operations and determining the quality of its outcomes and products (human impacts). The question I would like to ask is what quality of individuals are families or should families be setting themselves up to produce and release to the larger community?

Can you pause and reflect on this for a minute…

Okay, let’s continue..

Recall. the four Parenting Styles we have under consideration are:

• • Authoritarian Parenting Style
  • Permissive Parenting Style
  • Neglectful/Uninvolved Parenting Style
  • Balanced or Authoritative Parenting Style

Last time out, we ended our reflection on parenting styles with highlighting the characteristics of children/adults who were raised under an Authoritarian Parenting Style including something to cheer about this style.  In this concluding part of our reflections, though not exhaustively, we will be exploring other parenting styles.

Lets go…

Next is the Permissive Parenting Style

This is a type of parenting style that allows children to do as they please. Here, leadership and boundaries that enhance character development are either extremely low or non-existent. Given the low expectation that parents with this style have, children tend to lose the guidance, extra push they need to become self-regulated and disciplined enough to produce results and drive personal achievements that matter in life. Also, hardly does anything within this parenting style stretch and challenge or hold children to higher standards. The unintended consequences of this parenting style can be unpleasant to children, their parents and the large society

Characteristics of Permissive Parenting

• • They are present but are often inconsistent with being intentional about grooming their children
  • They are unable to provide sufficient support for the balanced development of their children
  • They set no limits to behaviour and resort to bribery (such as toys, money) to get the children to behave.
  • Children are allowed to do as they please with no one modeling responsible behaviours for them or holding them accountable to high standard of behaviour..

Tendencies of Children Under A Permissive Parenting Style

• • They are egocentric and often develop an unhealthy sense of entitlement in life
  • They are unable to stay focused or follow instructions
  • They find it difficult integrating into the larger society where things would not always go their way
  • Because they are used to no one cautioning them or giving them a no, they tend to show aggression just to force things in their favour instead of emotional understanding and often struggle with self-regulation or self-control

Neglectful Parenting Style

I call this parenting style the absent minded parenting style which actually is no parenting because children are left to their wits. Neglectful parenting is characterized by low expectations and low responsiveness. Neglectful parents have little emotional involvement with their children. They provide for their children’s basic needs like shelter and food, but they are uninvolved with their children’s lives.

Characteristics of Neglectful Parenting Style

• • They have no meaningful presence and influence around their children; they are simply absent in their world. One book that will help you appreciate the beauty of quality of Parenting Presence is The Power of Showing Up, you can get it on Amazon here.
  • They have no expectations, set rules or acceptable standard of behaviour to provide guidance for their children. 
  • The have no emotional connection or bond with their children.
  • They ironically get frustrated by the misdemeanors of their children

Tendencies of Children Under A Neglectful Parenting Style

• • They have very high tendency of developing toxic or antisocial behaviour towards others. 
  • They grow with no sense of responsibility and accountability
  • If nothing is done to their parenting dysfunction, they turn out as underachievers in life

Authoritative Parenting Style

Considered by many as the “gold standard” parenting style; the healthiest and the most effective of all the parenting styles because it is able to balance between providing children with healthy boundaries, and at the same time allowing them the agency to make/take decisions for themselves and at times for their home front. Here, there are clear expectations for their children which plays a significant role in their character formation. 

Characteristics of Authoritative Parenting Style

• • They are very consistent with setting and maintaining boundaries that clearly define acceptable standard of behaviour.
  • They have a quality presence and influence in their children’s development 
  • They set clear expectation regarding what behaviours are acceptable; they trust and empower their children to make the right choices.
  • They communicate effectively to help children see why the rules exist on one hand, and on the hand, they are consistent with  enforcing boundaries which is helpful for sound character development

Tendencies of Children Under an Authoritative Parenting Style:

• • They have sound character formation and are equipped with core life skills needed to drive important personal achievements and turn out to be high achievers both in school and in life
  • They are optimistic about life and have the discipline to reach their full potentials leading a fulfilling life.
  • They have healthy social skills rooted in strong self-esteem and emotional regulation

Here is why we should all care about Parenting Styles 

Though there is a purpose to every life that is born on earth, however, everyone starts off their life journey with a blank slate of mind that is first shaped by parenting styles which is underpinned by the Quality of Parenting Presence. And this goes far to affect both child development and adult life outcomes. The power behind the difference that each of these four Parenting Styles makes is down to what I call Quality of Parenting Presence. In fact, Parenting without Quality intentional Presence is a recipe for human disaster – dysfunctional adults and hence society. This book – The Power of Showing Up will help you a great deal to cultivate a Quality Parenting Presence – It is available on Amazon here

Essentially, parenting is not and should not be about the parents but about the child. I am sure you can appreciate why we all should pay good attention to our ideology and style of parenting.

Whenever you are dealing with any child, don’t just focus on the child they are now, more importantly, think about the quality of adult, leader you are turning them into, or think about what quality of adult your influence on them is turning them into.

So, may I ask: what is your parenting style?

Or what parenting style are you seeming to be inclined to?

What impacts have you noticed your parenting style making on your child(ren)?

A good place to start your intentional parenting journey is to reflect on and define what quality of adult you want your children to inevitably turn into, and then go ahead to seek for ways to groom them to be that and more.